Thank you

It’s a year today since I started my Instagram page. It’s been a mad year. The most life changing year of my life, apart from the year that I had my child. Thank you for helping me to make it happen. I am literally nothing without you and your support, I am truly grateful to you for being a part of it and for showing me love. Like I said in my Insta post, I love you more than I love mixed race, 6ft 3, tatted, bearded, fuckboys. Anyway, this is just a VERY quick blog because I wanted to talk about an event that occurred on Instagram today and I needed more words than a caption allows to be able to do it.

One of my followers sent me an Instagram story from a girl’s page which has since been taken down. We’ll just call her E, E has obviously been in a relationship with this 6ft, tatted, mixed race guy, JD, who is one of those guys who looks really good from afar but close up is a bit off putting. He has a look of Terrol Lewis about him, until he takes his tooth out because of his apparently rotting gums. I know this because E showed photos of him with his fake tooth out, she also posted saying that she had used his electric toothbrush to clean his toilet and let him use it after.

This all came about because he apparently used her credit card to take another girl to Amsterdam, she showed a video of this too. She posted him naked with a tiny emoji on his willy saying that she didn’t need a big one to cover it, she showed his probation licence, because he’s come out of jail for ‘having a silly temper’. She said that he had been sexually abused as a child and now he feels that it’s ok to lie about everything. I found that to be pretty distasteful, she seemed to be saying that she didn’t believe him and that it was some kind of tactic to lure women, but even so; when you are in an intimate relationship you open up about the deepest stuff, and that stuff should never be used as a weapon once you are finished. No matter how messy the break up is. Somethings are just not for sharing, and childhood traumas is one of them. She posted pictures showing that he has been doing gay cam shows for men. She posted a video of him off his face on ketamine and said something like ‘Will you lose your job working with kids who use drugs when they see this?’

I’m probably forgetting some things, because there was A LOT, she went in. I can see what motivated her to do it, imagine the rage she must have felt when she found out that he used her money to take another girl away. You would want to murder him, but since that is illegal and incredibly over dramatic, the next logic step is RUIN HIS FUCKING LIFE!!! Because it feels like he ruined yours. But it is never the right option, revenge is salty, not sweet. E said at the start of her story that she saw the red flags, he had just left his wife who he had cheated on, he had come out of prison, he was homeless etc, she said that she never intended to do anything more than fuck him because she knew what kind of guy he was, but she still got involved. She posted a picture saying that he flew out to Ibiza to ruin her holiday because he was paranoid.

Over looking red flags is an invitation for trouble, that doesn’t mean it excuses his behaviour, he is still responsible for not being a prick, but if he is, you can’t be that surprised. You have to take it on the chin, you should have known better and now you will learn. Revenge is not the answer. Revenge does nothing but invite trouble and negativity to your door. Which is exactly what happened, E tagged a big banter page in her Insta story, I guess so that he could expose JD, but by mid-afternoon JD had posted his own response, which I’ve just put on my Insta. JD called her out for exposing his sexual abuse history, he also shows himself smugly brushing is teeth with his electric toothbrush, the one that she cleaned the loo with. Then he posts pictures of her double chin saying she had it surgically removed, and that she paid to get her boobs done by doing adult work too, in fact he posts a picture of her holding a picture as evidence. That picture then gets reposted by the big banter page that she had tagged earlier, who was calling her an Insta hoe and calling them both broke peasants. JD later posted that on his story. He also posted a picture of her half naked in the stock room at her work saying something like ‘Would you keep your job if they knew you took your man to the stock room to beat?’. He admitted to cheating, and being a broke drug dealer and fraudster. He also admitted to ‘borrowing’ her money to take a girl away, but he complains that it barely even covered drinks at the airport. What a wanker.

It was all so fucking messy. It went viral very quickly. I actually DM’d E and asked her if I could share it and she told me to go ahead. It was shared by loads of pages and she gained thousands of followers in a matter of hours, but by 2pm her page was gone and his page was private. Imagine the levels of stress they are both feeling right now. Their jobs, families, lives, all hung out to dry in front of masses of strangers in the most negative way. It didn’t need to happen. I can see what she was trying to achieve, but she reacted in anger. Exposing your ex for being a narcissistic, cheating, wasteman c**t is not going to stop him from being a narcissistic, cheating, wasteman cunt, all it’s going to do is draw you into a battle. If you’ve just found out your man is cheating then you are dealing with enough stress already, why generate more? Again, it’s inviting trouble. It must be horrible to go viral for negative reasons, nobody wants to be the next Dominic Celaire.

Nothing good can come of revenge, she wanted to warn other women, but all she did was introduce them to a relatively good looking (from far away) man who is having a difficult time, his DMs would have been popping. Some women are a bit lost. Never act in anger or haste. It is hard, but when you get royally fucked over you have to absolutely do your best to step away and process your hurt and pain before doing anything about it. Once you put something out on social media you can never get it back. It’s like an uncontrollable tornado and it can spiral into something way bigger than you expected it to be. Plus it could be dangerous, guys like that do not take kindly to being humiliated online. So yeah, I guess what I’m saying is that I understand E’s feelings and motivation, but I think she made a terrible mistake and I think she is paying for it now, she has changed her own life significantly. Social media is not the place for your private arguments. Her page is gone but loads of people must have it saved, she cannot rewind this. Walking away and going ghost is the best revenge you can ever have on a man who has cheated. Cut him off, straight up BYE, go ghost on social media, don’t let him know what you are doing, don’t contact him, fuck off.

On a more positive note I wanted to talk about how Drake (my future Husband who doesn’t yet know he’s going to marry me, but he is) did the most amazing music video for  God’s Plan  where he basically gives 1 Million Dollars to deserving people and causes like school’s and refuges. He posted up on his Insta that he wanted people to do random acts of kindness because it just makes you and others feel so good. I mean, I try to do random acts of kindness a lot, but since Drake told me to I have been way more motivated. Anyway, today I was approached by a young man who was very clearly a rough sleeper. I gave him a couple of quid as it was all I had and he was incredibly grateful. He told me that it was just nice to be treated like a human, he told me that yesterday a man had handed him £20 and as he took it the guy snatched it back and spat in his face, another guy stamped on his hand while he was sleeping under a station bridge. He said that people video him, step over him, call him scum. It was heartbreaking, I imagined he’d probably had a lot of shit to deal with in his life. He smelt terribly, he was covered in grime, his face was filthy, but, with Drakes voice in my head, I reached out and hugged him. We cuddled for about 30 seconds. I’m not going to lie, I was kind of freaking out inside because of the dirt and the smell, but I just felt that hugging him was so important at that moment that the urge to do that overrode the urge to feel grossed out by it. I needed to make him feel human and respected.

He was incredibly grateful and I felt really proud of myself for being able to to do that for him. I know that story is a bit cheesy/cringe, but it had a big impact on my day, and on my mood. So I’m not recommending going around hugging random homeless men, but doing those random acts of kindness really does make your world a better place. Kindness wins over revenge every time, you create your own reality. Create it wisely.