New year

 

I’m writing this on Christmas Day. I had a really quiet one this year as my Sister was with her Husband’s family and my son went to his Dad’s for a few hours so I went to the gym and had a nap after we had lunch with my Mum. My big family day is tomorrow so I’m having an early night. I think that Christmas, whether you celebrate it or not, is a mad period because it signifies the end of the year, it’s a time for reflection, for taking stock, and for letting go. It’s a time to value your life and that of those around you, like, we ALL made it through 2017, some weren’t so lucky, and so we should feel grateful and joyful for the fact that we did. It’s a time to remember people who have passed and to appreciate those close to you. It’s a time of sparkly lights, parties, and meeting up with good friends. I have barely done any of that this year. I have had a bit of a hermit Christmas, I’m a bit under the weather and I’m flat broke and I just haven’t been feeling it. I’ve made very little effort apart from with my Son. I have felt a bit sad today that it’s now over and I have to wait until next year to make the most of it again, because I do love Christmas and all it signifies, making it through another year.

I don’t care how many memes there are out there taking the piss out of people saying ‘New year, New me’ or even worse, the memes about ‘hoeness’ not having a reset button and a new year not meaning that you can erase your ‘body count’. Fuck off you silly meme making c*nts. You can become a new you at any time of the year, you can have a total mindset change in mid-July and be a new you if you want to. But the start of a new year is a very motivating thing and so if it takes the symbolic feeling of a new year to inspire you to really start afresh then surely that can only be a good thing? Why make fun of people who want to make positive changes for themselves just because they are using the new year as their motivation? I don’t get it. And ‘Hoeness’ doesn’t need a reset button. Hoeishness is in the eye of the beholder. If some brain dead little boy thinks you’re a hoe because you have had sex with a number of people then you should call his Mum and tell her that she’s raised a fool who is not living in reality.

The vagina is a self-cleaning organ, unless you catch something from a man then traces of his willy do not live on inside you forever (they don’t even if you do catch something, obviously), you do not retain his sperm for the rest of your life, you cannot find traces of his DNA 6 months later. The only long term way that a man stays inside you after sex (apart from infections and pregnancy) is with his energy, fucking a man with bad energy puts you in a negative head space, but that only lasts as long as you let it, that shit can be cleansed, just like your punani, but through therapy and self-healing. You do not have a body count of dead penises laying inside you, a willy count that remains with you for the rest of your life. Does some guy who I was seeing for about 8 weeks when I was 17, who I slept with a handful of times, in the most basic way, still count? Really? Does he fuck. We probably wouldn’t even recognise each other in a crowded bar now. Life changes, we all move on, so do our vaginas, get over it.

With the year coming to a close I wanted to do a bit of reflecting and to give some thought to my new year’s resolution’s for 2018. 2017 has been a very weird year for me, I started all this in mid-February, I had no plan in my head, it all just sort of happened. I had been thinking of writing down my stories for a while, and then I met Callum and he got me into writing again. We split up after a brief ‘relationship’ and I got over him in November 2016. Since him there has been NO men. Obviously there have been a few dickheads here and there, guys I’ve exchanged numbers with or had dates with – you’ve read about them in the blogs, but there has not been one man who has made me FEEL in a whole year. Callum was the last person I slept with. Between November and August I was completely man free, apart from a kiss with Corey in April. In August I went off the rails a bit and had a one night NO sex stand with some idiot I met in a rave, and then had a brief 2 week affair with a 25 year old who I met at the same rave, but aside from them, I have had no kisses, cuddles, hand holds, sex, I haven’t even found anyone who I have wanted to consistently speak to for more than 2 weeks, nothing, and it has been a weird experience for me.

My whole adult life I have used men to fill a void that was made by men, and every time I tried to use a man to fill that void, the void would just get bigger. I could never be happy being single, I always felt like I had to be talking to someone, I’d feel lonely and weird if I wasn’t for long periods.  I had to sort it out and the only way to do that was to go man free and celibate. Being man free changed everything, and obviously so did this starting this blog and Instagram. I have learnt so much from you guys, and from writing down my own experiences, and now my whole attitude to men has changed in a really positive way, I am so happy being single, and now that I’m acting on red flags, I feel far more in control of my own life. And so I wanted to do a little round up of the year, a reiteration of some of the most important things that I have been shouting about for the last 10 months, the shit that has got me through. So here is a round up of the stuff that I have posted about that seems to have resonated with you, and me, the most – The Lalala rules/pieces of knowledge that we all need to take into 2018:

 

  • Take your focus off him  – get busy, go to the gym, get a hobby. A man, or trying to find a man, should not be your main focus or goal. Have a life outside of him so that the absence of him doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Being left on blue ticks for an hour can feel like 5 hours if you are constantly watching his Whatsapp activity. Find something (not someone) else to obsess over.

 

  • You can tell a lot about the way a man feels about you when he likes 50 pictures of amateur prostitutes on Instagram while ignoring your texts and not liking your pictures – LIKES mean something – you are not an idiot for feeling that way. There is a  whole lot of meaning behind a man NOT liking your picture while he’s actively liking others. If I like a man’s pictures on Instagram it’s because I like what I see, and my like is telling him that. Why does a man need to announce his appreciation of another’s woman’s photo publicly? Especially accessible women, Kim Kardashian I can deal with, but Skanky Susan from 2 roads away is just not acceptable. And if he gives you the wows when you raise it with him, or tells you you’re an idiot for caring about likes and refuses to stop then he is a full on fuckboy. If he can’t keep his likes in his head then there is a problem.

 

  • Relationship goals should not come from pictures of people in matching king and queen hats – need I say more really? These heavily staged Instagram love photos you see should not be relationship goals. If Nikita and Terrol taught us anything, it is that what you see on Instagram is not a true reflection of what is going on behind closed doors. Goals should be about reality, intimacy, and deep connections, not linking someone because you’ve got matching shoes while spending 3/4 of your time together ignoring each other while using your phones. It’s trashy.

 

  • He is not the only man, he is not a prize, he does not speak for all men- Stop acting as though this guy is the only man who you will ever feel this way about again. Come on now. There is no way that you are going to be single until you are 85. It’s just not going to happen.  There are other, better, men for you out there. How he feels about you bears no reflection on what other men will feel about you. Losing him is not like losing a winning lottery ticket. You will one day find happiness elsewhere.

 

  • Your gut is a powerful anti-fuckboy weapon – If it doesn’t feel right then that is reason enough to leave. Trust your gut instinct always.

 

  • Love is not a good enough reason to stay – If you are unhappy, or being abused, cheated on, lied to, fucked around, or generally under valued, then ‘I love him’ is not good enough. You can love someone but love yourself more and put your own needs first. Love will die if you let it, don’t use it as an excuse to persevere in a relationship that’s hurting you. As it says above, he’s not the only man that you can ever love, even if it feels that way right now.

 

  • It’s not cool to claim that you are not like other girls – Don’t try to separate yourself from the whole of woman-kind in order to impress men. If there is one thing this page has taught me it’s that regardless of our stark differences, A LOT of us women relate to the same emotions, feelings, thoughts, and behaviours, so even though we are all different to each other, we still have that woman thing, that inherent female energy that bonds us. When men try to compliment us by putting other women down it is not a compliment. They are trying to manipulate us into not coming with certain behaviours – mainly behaviours that they have generated in other women like neediness, insecurity and boderline psychopathy, because of how they have treated them.  Yes I am very much like many other women, and if you don’t like that then date men.

 

  • We need to stop telling girls that boys are mean to them because they like them – and we need to stop telling our sons to ‘treat them mean to keep them keen’. These early messages fuck us up. That mentality encourages men to play games and to treat us badly, and it teaches us to expect mistreatment from men and to tolerate it because it means he likes us. We need to teach our daughters that their boyfriends should be treating them like a rare diamond that has to be looked after well for him to be able to keep it, and that they should stay far away from boys who are nasty to them, and vice versa with our sons. This is one of the reasons why we still need feminism.

 

  • Don’t tolerate things from men that you wouldn’t tolerate from your friends – if your friend didn’t turn up to a planned trip to the cinema, turned off her phone, and didn’t get in contact for 3 days claiming that it’s because her Uncle died, you would be massively fucked off, and you certainly would not tolerate it repeatedly. If she you hit you, or stopped you from going out, put you down constantly, lied to you about meeting up with other friends and just generally treated you like shit you would not be ringing off her phone and leaving wailing voicemails telling her you love her. Why do we do this with men? We need to set the same standards for how we will be treated and apply them to everyone.

 

  • He’s not a fuckboy if he tells you he only wants to fuck – If he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship – listen. You cannot get pissed off with him if he has been completely straight up from day one. Do not get into situationships if you know that you want a relationship. If he has been clear that he is not looking for anything serious then do not compromise what you want because you want HIM and you know that saying that you want more will put him off. Don’t get into something casual thinking that you are going to change him. You are highly likely to catch feelings and it’s not going to end up working out well for you.

 

  • Safe sex is very important – It’s just not worth the risk, I wrote a whole blog about it It’s Not Worth The Risk – don’t play Russian roulette with your vagina. Be safe until you have both been tested and you are both exclusive. Otherwise, insist that he wears condoms. Get tested regularly, look after your sexual health. And never feel ashamed if you catch something. You are not dirty, there is no shame in it, it’s no different to catching a cold. If he’s willing to not wear a condom with you (which most of them are) then he’s willing to not wear one with anyone. Value your vagina.

 

  • Beware of the fuckboy in disguise – some of them will make us feel amazing, they will say and do all the right things, be really keen really quickly, declare their undying love for us, and then go cold after we let them fuck, or once they know that we have fallen for them. Some people call it Lovebombing. It’s a narcissist’s favourite game, it’s a thrill for them. Once they have got you they will drop you and move on to the next. Be cautious about men who are too keen too quickly. You need to take your time when making decisions about how you feel about men. Don’t rush into things because he is making you feel a mad exciting rush – go with the mad exciting rush – just don’t rush into your feelings. Recognise it as lust and don’t confuse it with love, you cannot truly love someone you barely know, have fun, go wild, be free, but don’t jump in head first to things you can’t get out of.

 

  • Don’t try to force it – especially with ‘Nice guys’. Sometimes, after you have been single for a while, a ‘nice’ guy comes along who really likes you, who treats you like a Queen, and who is very clear that he is taking you seriously. And 9 times out of 10 you don’t fucking like him. It’s very tempting to think that we should just settle because that treatment is exactly what we need, but my belief is that you have to hold out until you find that level of gentlemanliness with someone who you are attracted to. Don’t force it with hot men who you really have nothing in common with, and don’t force it with men you don’t like just because you know they will treat you well. Just don’t force anything. Wait until you find the whole package.

 

  • Stop chasing people – We cannot change the fact that men are naturally hunters and we have to let them hunt us. If you have to chase a man because he is not hunting you then he’s probably just not that into you, and that’s OK, not everyone will be, you can’t let that get you down. If he’s not making plans or initiating contact it’s because he doesn’t want to. Nobody is more busy than a man who is not interested in you. Have some pride and step away from your phone. If he wants you, you will know about it.

 

  • Stop faking orgasms – guilty as fuck on this one. I haven’t had anyone to practice on since making this vow to myself, but if I ever do manage to get any willy in 2018 then I will 100% not pretend to cum to make him cum, or do the fake leg shakes to make him think he’s Casanova, or put it on just to make it stop. Perhaps if we all got better at this then they would all get better at actually find our clitorises and G-spots. We are doing ourselves a disservice in order to massage their egos. We need to fix up.

 

  • If Jay can cheat on Bey then you know it’s not a reflection on you – Being cheated on can leave us in the darkest pits of low self-esteem and self loathing. It makes you question everything about yourself because it makes you compare yourself to another woman/women, and it makes you wonder where you lack. Cheating is so much deeper than what you look like or how you are in bed. Don’t allow his infidelity to make you hate yourself, it really is not you, it’s him, and Beyonce and Jay-Z is a good reminder of that.

 

  • Beware the devil dick – amazing sex with a fuckboy can fuck up your life. It can make you move him into your house after 2 weeks despite the fact that he has never read a book or had a job. It can make you compromise your values and get into no labels situationships where you become infatuated with his willy. Devil dick is a nightmare and you know that it’s going to be from the start. Heed the red flags early, if the dick is good but the man is not, that’s not enough. Sort it out and stop thinking with your vagina, she makes the worst decisions.

 

  • Being savage brings you negativity – this savage mentality needs to stay in 2017 because it harms us all. The world is fucked, Donald Trump is president, there is so much hate being spread and we have to actively try to separate ourselves from it. Call out nasty memes, don’t follow banter pages who post vile misogynistic bullshit, call out trolls and online bullies, but also spread love, be kind, walk away from conflict, don’t engage in negative interactions, don’t focus on the negativity in your life. Focus on the positive. It’s the law of attraction, thoughts become things. Take control of your own mind and replace the dark clouds with rainbows. There is no shame in seeking professional help if that is hard for you to do. Don’t stay in a negative head space by wishing chlamydia and baldness on your exes, the need for revenge keeps you in a bad place. Wish them well and move on.

 

  • Relationships should not be ride or die –  Nobody has to die for a relationship to end. You do not have to stick with someone no matter what they put you through just because you are in a relationship with them. It’s far more important to be loyal to yourself than to your partner. Sticking around in a toxic relationship is not a sign of strength, you are not displaying sought after wifey qualities by tolerating his bullshit. It takes far more strength to leave, especially if you love him. Leave if things are perpetually bad, even if sometimes they are good, you are allowed to get off this ride whenever, regardless of the things that are tying you together.

 

  • Honour your 3 year old self – You are still her. The same beautiful little egocentric soul that came into this world loving the shit out of herself , she still lives on inside you. My 3 year old self would have been horrified if she could have had a look into her future, she would have really wondered why she was chasing after criminals with neck tattoos and getting ghosted by barely literate men on Tinder. I have let her down many times, but I have only recently learnt that it helps me to look back to my early years to remind myself of my value. If a 3 year old girl walked in now and sat on your lap you would see her with the world at her feet, you would know that she can be whoever she wants to be, you would see her, and her future, as precious. You are still that girl and it’s never too late to honour her.

 

  • Forgive yourself – for the mistakes you have made. You cannot change them but you can stop focusing on them and making them a part of your current reality. Punishing yourself for the stupid things you have done serves no purpose. It just makes it more likely that you will do more stupid things. It’s the law of attraction. Acknowledge your regrets and then let them go.

 

  • Self love is the key – Self love is at that heart of  making good decisions about men and it is essential that we strive for it. For me it feels like a daily battle. I have written about it in the blogs numerous times, how I go up and down frequently, I sometimes think I am hot as fuck, and other times I feel like a disgusting hag. Just saying ‘You should love yourself’ is meaningless, it is impossible to just love yourself. Especially if you have had abusive relationships (with parents or partners) and you have been made to feel worthless. Self love takes action. For me it’s proper self care, sticking to my daily skin care routine, going to the gym, eating well, drinking water, meditating, seeing friends. I have to force myself to love myself but once I’m there, everything fits into place. We need to give ourselves the love that we so recklessly give to other people.

 

  • It’s OK to be single – People often use the word single along with words like bitter or lonely, especially when they are talking about women. Terminology dictates that men are bachelors, while we are withered old spinsters. Society holds men up in such high esteem that a woman’s value is often judged on whether a man has chosen her, not her academic achievements, or career. It’s a load of bullshit. Relationships are wonderful, with the right person, but the right person does not come along every 5 minutes. It is perfectly acceptable to remain single for as long as it takes for you to find your soulmate, no matter how long that takes. There are a lot of benefits to being single, appreciate them. It’s far more lonely being in a shit relationship.

 

  • Don’t text him – If you have to question whether you should message him, the answer is no. It’s very simple. Do not do it.  Because it is likely to be something you regret, especially if he actually reads it and doesn’t respond. Don’t call him, don’t message him. Step away from your phone and get busy doing whatever you can to stop that little devil on your shoulder that’s making you think fuck it, just message him, what’s the worst that could happen? A lot of bad things could happen. Just don’t fucking text him.

 

  • Ghosting is common and you will never know the real reason why – Ghosting is seemingly just a normal part of dating now, sadly. Online dating means that men have multiple options at their finger tips. While we are there waxing our fannies and shaving our big toes in preparation for our date, they have completely forgotten about the date because they are talking to 52 other women, and by the time they see your text reminding them, they are already balls deep in a Tinder woman they started talking to this morning. It’s shit. Ghosting is rife and it’s hard not to be pissed off about having your time wasted, like, just fucking tell us, don’t just disappear leaving us feeling all vulnerable and discombobulated.  Don’t torture yourself trying to figure out why though, and don’t expect a straight answer from him, it’s a disrespectful move – so just block and move on. Especially if he has ghosted a dick appointment, that’s the fucking worst, so don’t shave unless you know he’s coming, because nowadays they even ghost or air guaranteed sex. We are living in crazy times.

 

  • You do not need closure or an acknowledgement of his wrong doing to move on – He does not need to apologise, or agree, that you are in the right for you to be able to walk away from him. You know that what he did was wrong, you know how you feel about the situation. If you’ve argued your cause and he can’t see your point of view, then stop hanging around trying to change his mind. Closure can happen without both parties being on the same page about why it has closed. Closure comes when you are ready to let go of all the what if’s and why did you do that’s. Accept it and move forward.

 

  • Don’t reconnect with toxic people from your past out of lonelines – Being single does get lonely at times, but you have got to ride it out without getting tempted to scroll through your whatsapp list and send out ‘hey stranger’ messages to inappropriate people, because  it’s a guarantee that you will feel 10 times more lonely tomorrow morning when they leave. As above, get happy with being single by trying to achieve self love and getting busy.

 

  • If you need to check his phone then you are already in trouble –  We should not need to check our partner’s phones. As soon as you start to wonder if you are going to find something in his phone that you don’t like then there is something very flawed, either in your relationship, or in your ability to trust men. And if you feel that you absolutely have to check it, then please do yourself a favour and actually leave if you find what you were looking for. Don’t go all FBI on him only to have a few arguments and then get back together into a relationship which can only be worse than it was before.

 

  • Men are not ALL trash – I am raising a Son so I absolutely refuse to believe that all men are trash. I have hope. Unfortunately there are a disproportionately large amount of trash men out there, and patriarchy is still a problem for women, but there are definitely good men in existence. We just got taught that boys are mean to you when they like you, among other things, and so we often spend our lives chasing the bad ones, because it’s what we are used to, and so the nice ones feel odd. But you cannot cast off an entire gender based on the behaviour of some of it’s members. If you got robbed by a gang of Swedish people you wouldn’t think that all Swedish people were armed robbers,  and you would carry on going to Ikea, so don’t write off all men because of the behaviour of a few (the majority). Bad men are fuckboys and fuckboys are fuckboys because they hate themselves – it’s not normal behaviour to treat women badly, and not all men do. Just do your best to stay away from the trash ones and to stay hyper aware of the red flags they carry.

 

  • Him coming back is not a sign that he likes you – Stop placing meaning on his 3am ‘You up?’ messages. Him returning to you after a period of time does not mean he cannot stop thinking about you and cannot leave you alone because of the deep feelings in his heart. It means that he’s bored, or horny, or he wants to keep you there as an ego boost, or he wants to see if he can still have you. Don’t make a song and dance about him simply returning.

 

  • Wifey material is a bullshit notion – There is no such thing as ‘wifey material’. Whatever skills or attributes you have, will be exactly what your soul mate is looking for. Not being able to cook, having slept with more than 10 men, and having your own mind would only prevent you from being wifey to a handful of little weirdo wasteman meme makers anyway, and nobody wants them, that’s why they are out here cussing women online, because they need to get back at us for the hurt and rejection. You do not need to change to fit in with his vision of the perfect wife unless you want to. If it makes you happy to cook and clean then do it, but don’t compromise yourself in order to fit into some rigid stereo-type of a wife. A good wife is someone who is free to absolutely be herself with her man.

 

  • WOW is a red flag – If you confront him with an issue, and he responds with WOW, then he is guilty of whatever you have raised with him and he knows it. He is using his wow to buy time, but also to pave the way for him to behave as though you have done something wrong. Like, ‘WOW – you really went through my phone, wow, so I think we need to talk about that’ or ‘Wow, you always want to start arguments when things are actually going well between us’, or ‘wow, believe what you want to believe, you obviously don’t trust me’. Beware the wowing man, he has secret’s to hide.

 

  • Be safe online – If you are online dating be very careful. There are plenty of dodgy men on dating sites, even the paid ones, so proceed with caution every time. Always be aware that you might not be talking to who you think you are talking to, make sure you video call them before agreeing to meet. Make sure you share social media details too (you all know what I say about social media – if he says he hasn’t got it it’s a red flag). Meet in a public place, never let him pick you up from your house, don’t invite him round until you have got to know him. Don’t send nudes unless you are in an established relationship, and even then, don’t show your face. Tell them things face to face that you wouldn’t want screenshot and used against you in the future. Don’t put pictures of your children on dating sites and be wary of men who put pictures of theirs. Just be very woke when you meet people online, there are many dangers.

 

  • Don’t dumb down for dick – Argh, those hot wastemen, those ones that are so fanny flutteringly hot that your throbbing vagina cannot take it, but so brain achingly stupid that you think your frontal lobe is going to die from lack of stimulation.  Everyday ‘WYD?’. Boring, groundhog day convos that are going nowhere, you think they are asking wyd because they want to meet but they never get there. Although sometimes you end up having good back and forth conversations with them, and many times I have lied to myself and pretended that we have loads in common, when actually we don’t, we can just hold a conversation, which I carry most of the time anyway. It is not fun to date a man who makes you think ‘WTF??’ 5 times a day, or who you have to explain basic concepts to. Fancying someone is not enough to sustain a relationship.

 

  • If it was meant to be it would have been – I just believe that if it’s for you, it will not pass you by. I believe in the Universe, and perfect timing, and healing yourself so that you are in a place to receive what you have been wanting. This link helped to change my mindset on this subject – Abraham Hicks How to Find The Perfect Man. It’s worth a listen, even if you are not looking for the perfect man.

 

  • If you don’t want to sleep with him don’t go to places where it could happen – This is far more effective than trying to prevent sexual shenanigans by not shaving but still inviting him back to yours. There are definitely a few men out there who think I am a hairy monster because of that tactic. The best way to not sleep with them if you are keen to physically but don’t want to because you would rather wait, is to never go back to each other’s houses unless you are ready. And waiting until you are ready is very important, if you feel ready on the first night then go for it, if you would prefer to wait for months then do your thing. Some marriages started with sex on the first night, while some men will completely lose respect for you for doing it (they are not marriage material in my eyes). Some men will lead you to believe that they want more from you and convince you that sex is no biggie but will then disappear after sex, it’s less likely to happen if you make them wait, but it can still happen. So don’t have sex until you are doing it for you when you feel good about it and avoid situations where it could accidentally happen if it happening will make you feel like shit.

 

  • Actions speak louder than words – Fuckboys know EXACTLY  what to say to us to make us weak, but what he says is irrelevant unless it is backed up with his actions. I get it so often in my DMs ‘He says he loves me but he treats me like shit’ – and that’s because he is a piece of shit who knows that you are so desperate to be loved that he can say one thing and do another and you will still hang on in there clinging to his meaningless bullshit. How they treat you is far more important than what they say.

 

  • Periods really do effect us – I think sometimes we under estimate the incredible emotional and physical changes that we go through throughout each month. If men were injected with the cocktail of hormones that we produce they would be uncontrollable. We get emotional, irrational, hungry, irritable, horny, angry, moody, insecure, anxious, and tearful, all within the space of an hour, all while holding together careers, households, children and families, and if the world wants us to keep growing human beings then the world is going to have to give us a fucking break. I am not willing to own the label crazy, we sometimes do mad things and make mad decisions because of our menstrual cycle. That is not a ridiculous excuse, it’s just reality. Don’t let men undermine that.

 

  •  Don’t have relationships with single men – Several times in my life I have completely convinced myself that I am in a relationship with a man who absolutely does not think that he is in anything other than a sexual relationship with me. It’s painful. This goes back to that actions speak louder than words point, sometimes they will say all the right things, and they will treat us like we are their girlfriends when they are with us, and they will dickmatize us with their devil dicks, and then 3 months down the line we will end up having full blown screaming rows in the street with them about why they are not acting like they are our boyfriends when they are not with us, WHEN THEY ARE NOT EVEN OUR BOYFRIENDS. Being in a very stressful relationship with a single man is one of the worst things a woman can do. You gotta fix up on these ones.

 

  • If you are scared to ask ‘what are we?’ in case it puts him off, then it’s pretty obvious what you are – it’s also pretty clear what he wants if he starts out talking to you about sex from the outset, asks for nudes and pictures constantly, compliments you on your physical appearance and nothing else. And all of that is OK, if you are sexually excited by him and you are happy to head into a fuck buddy or one night stand situation with him, but if you are going to catch feelings and end up wanting to ask him ‘what are we?’ in 3 months, then put a stop to it before it starts, no matter how much your fanny is throbbing. Never be scared to ask him, it’s going to help you to establish where you stand and if it puts him off then who gives a fuck? Stop wasting your time and move on.

 

  • Don’t trust any man who can text but can’t answer his phone – unless he’s deaf. If you Snapchat him videos and he doesn’t watch them for ages at night, or if his phone is always face down when he’s with you, if his profile picture disappears on whatsapp (he’s put up a picture of his Mrs and deleted your number so that only contacts can see his DP), or you can’t go to his house, or he’s not adding you on social media, then you already know what time it is. Stay away from men with girlfriends and wives. If you even get the slightest suspicion then cut out. Never be a side chick, never shit on another woman to feed your own ego, and never forgive a cheating man unless you are comfortable with risking it happening again.

 

  • Block him – You do not have to hate him to block him, it’s not nasty or petty, it is self defence. Watching him on social media and posting ridiculous antics on yours to get his attention does not allow you to truly let go and move on. Once you know you really want it to be over just fucking block him, you really do not need to see him going to the gym or posting his breakfast anymore.

 

  • Everyday is a fresh day, a new start, an opportunity to do better, and make better decisions – Don’t beat yourself up over what happened yesterday, instead, take control of today and tomorrow. Live your best life, eat well, drink loads (of water), exercise, be grateful, don’t overthink, don’t live with regrets, turn up your favourite music and dance, ring your friends and tell them you love them, post hot pictures of yourself for yourself, read books, go out into the fresh air, take walks, talk to animals, be unashamedly you and live everyday with passion. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt, throw yourself into finding love if that is what you want, but get yourself into a really strong single place first so that if you do get ghosted, or encounter a fuckboy, which nowadays is a high statistical probablity, it won’t fuck up your entire life. Get into a place where you know the red flags and you are able to heed them, and where you see every failed encounter as a good blog post. Be free, be confident, have fun, and if you didn’t manage that today, then there’s always tomorrow.

 

Thank you for being a major part of my 2017 – you have changed my life and I feel genuine love for you all. I have connected with some incredible women through this blog and my Insta page and some of you have legit become my actual friends, especially the Insta live family. You are all incredible, survivors who have gone through some shit but come out the other side, strong, funny, kind-hearted women. To every woman who has sent me an encouraging and love filled message, or has shared her story with me, sent me posts that they know I would like, or recognised when I have been down or been getting some shit from trolls and have had my back fiercely – you are so fucking dope and the world needs more women like you. And thank you to the small handful of amazing men who have supported me too, you guys are truly fantastic and you confirm my belief in good men. I hope you all smash 2018 and that we continue to grow together and help more women to get their anti-fuckboy Armour on. I have a feeling it’s going to be an amazing year x

P.S I’ll tell you about Omar and my date in the next blog