I’m Dun


OK, so this will be a very short blog compared to the usual because this interaction has literally only lasted for 8 hours and so there is no great lengthy history to discuss. I posted on my Insta story today that I took my son to a kid’s rave and it was absolutely banging. The music was so sick, if that had been a tent at a festival I would have stayed in that one all day. Proper house, jungle, garage, no Justin Bieber or Pharrell Williams, like at most children’s parties. They served alcohol too, although I wasn’t drinking. The parent’s were really going for it. They were mainly white, middle aged, married, retired ravers in flip flops and khaki shorts but they were loving life and watching people loving life always makes me love life, so it was win win.

The rest of the crowd were more like me, current ravers who have children who also love to dance, although annoyingly my son was not in a dancing mood today. This morning he was, he was break dancing all over the front room. Oh, and also tonight, we got home and he arranged a huge dance party and we had to have musical instruments and listen to ‘Happy Birthday’ by Stevie Wonder on repeat. His dancing feet worked then, but not for the 2 hours that we were at the rave. He just wanted to chase balloons and eat popcorn. I was just like FAM you are the WORST raving partner, I didn’t say that to him though, obviously. My friend’s kids were proper raving and I was just thinking fuck, maybe he’s not mine, because I’m sure this raving gene must pass down in the blood.

Anyway, all the sitting down paid off in the end because I happened (quite purposefully) to sit on a table next to an extremely good looking man. He was well dressed in an Armani Shirt and jeans with nice trainers. He looked smart, and sexy, and he was at a kid’s rave with his son. If this ain’t what I’ve been asking the Universe for I don’t know what is. We got talking, I initiated it, I said ‘This is way better than Garage Nation’ (which is a festival that was on today in London and it was torrentially raining) and he laughed and agreed, and from there it went.

He introduced himself as Jace, he was slightly vague about his job (RED FLAG) but we didn’t talk about it much. He told me that he had been single for 6 years since splitting up with his son’s Mother, he lives locally and he was there with a couple of friends who have children of similar ages. We were talking about dating and Tinder came up, he said he’d never used it, and that he has no social media whatsoever, nothing. He’s got two phones though (RED FLAG).

The thing is that social media is part of modern life whether you like it or not, and nowadays, social media is for business and connecting with people on a professional level as well as personal. He told me that he was a freelance personal trainer, but how is it possible to make the best of your business in that field without social media? So he’s lying somewhere, either he’s got social media and he doesn’t want me to see it (GIRLFRIEND), or he doesn’t have it and he’s a bit behind modern times and he’s lying about being a PT. But whatever, he’s really sexy and so I carried on.

He asked me what I did and I told him that I’m trying to start a business and that I’m writing, but that it’s a female thing, a women’s brand, and he said:

‘What, like escorts?’

I was taken a back that prostitution was his first thought when I said it was a women’s thing. He told me he was joking and so I took a breath, looked at his incredibly sexy teeth, and jaw line, and skin, and so I continued. I told him that I write about Fuckboys and Roadmen and that I’m trying to get published and he said:

‘Oh Yeah, What do you know about roadmen?’

So I told him about my fuckboy guide and he laughed and he was really enthusiastic and into what I am doing and so that was an ego boost. I didn’t tell him the name of it but I let him know about the general gist of it all and he wasn’t put off. He was intrigued. I was intrigued by him. He was well spoken in a London street way, a bit like me. We had common interests, he was sweet and funny, and he told me that he wanted to write a book about fuckgirls but he doesn’t know how to write. He said that he wanted me to help him, so I gave him my number.

He sent me a Whatsapp about 2 hours later telling me it was nice to meet me and that he can’t wait to write this book. Within a few texts I quickly noticed that there were a lot of ‘U, wot, y, bk, den, dems’ in the messages and my grammatically challenged moron radar started getting vibrations. But I persevered nonetheless. Then he said:

‘So wot r u looking for?’

I told him that I wasn’t looking for anything specific, just happy to get to know people and see what happens. I asked him back and he said:

‘I haven’t been on the look out for a girlfriend or a wife or woteva. Have to C wot happens. So who do you link now?’

I don’t really understand this question, I don’t have any links, but if I did, did he expect me to go ‘At the moment I’m fucking Bob’. Very odd. As if he’d even know them, like there’s a community of links. I told him that I link absolutely nobody and he replied simply ‘lies’. I told him that I haven’t even kissed anybody since November and he did a row of pitiful faced looking emojis and said ‘wow’. So I told him not to feel sorry for me, that this has been by choice, because I’m looking for quality. I asked him who he is linking now, seeing as this seems to be a question we ask these days and he said:

‘I won’t lie, I do have links, but nothing serious like that, I like having fun. I have a sex drive, unlike someone (then he added the eyes emoji, I’ll fucking poke those eyes out you know)’

Then he asked me ‘wot’ makes quality in a man. And I gave him a little list:

Respect for women
Someone who’s got his shit together
Open Mindedness
Not out here fucking everyone
Respects himself
Grown up

I didn’t feel like I needed to list the extremely obvious ones like:

Not being a massive liar
Being able to trust him when he leaves the house without me
Ability to not say wow
Someone who never ghosts
Doesn’t want to control me
Not homophobic or racist
Not a wasteman
Not a massive sex maniac who wants to fuck every living woman

His reply to my list was:

‘Sounds like me, I fit into all of them but 1, and a half’

The 1 that he doesn’t fit into was ‘not out here fucking everybody’ because apparently life is flourishing in the links community. But that response was quickly blown out of the water when he told me what the half was…..fucking wait for it…..


Sooooooo basically, if you read my blogs and follow my page you will be quite aware of how I might react to that. I basically had a femineleptic fit at that moment and nearly fell off my chair. I genuinely went into cardiac arrest. But I remained calmed and simply replied ‘Explain that’……and so he said…..

‘Can’t respect a lot of girls out here these days. Ethics are all wrong. Well most anyway. Social media has fucked a lot of girls up. All want to come up quick. A lot of them moving like man’.

Sorry, what, moving like man. What has happened to 2017? Jace is 34 years old. What is he even saying? I believe what he was really trying to express was that they are conducting themselves like men. It’s wrong on so many levels. You can’t respect us for behaving like you?

I told him that the same could be applied to guys, and that really what he is saying is that he doesn’t respect anyone these days. And he said:

‘I suppose so’

And I said:

‘I have rather a lot to say on this matter, to have this debate we’d have to be face to face. As a baseline – you have got to respect women.’

Jace: ‘Lol – so wen we doing this?’

And that was that. No further action. I spent about half an hour actually feeling slightly torn. Jace is not my match in any way shape or form, except physically. He’s the type that’s not even on the voting register, let alone willing to join me on anti-Tory marches or to shout about Jeremy Corbyn. He’s the type who will say that there is no point in voting because they’re all the same. He’s the type who believes that women behaving like men means that they deserve less respect. He’s the type who will give me chlamydia but he won’t be able to text me to inform me of his STI status because he won’t be able to spell chlamydia.

I had so much hope, the fact that we met at a kid’s rave felt like the perfect soul mate meeting venue. I do really want to have sex, not even sex maybe, just intimate contact with a man. It’s been a while. But it’s been so long that I’m really valuing not having any old filthy rascal on/in my body. Not that I had any old, but you know what I mean. I feel fresh and fuckboy free. And I know with Jace that I really would not fall in love with him, but I also know, for a fact, that he’s got some serious devil dick going on. I wish I could just unemotionally fuck him. I’m sure it would be fun. But I also know that I would spend days after feeling anxious that he could have given me something or got me pregnant, even if we used a condom.

I’d be feeling pissed off with myself for ruining my celibacy and wasting a wax on a man who can’t even spell the word what. And I’d probably get anxiety about him messaging me after, because even though I’m not interested in him, I’d still want my sex and my looks to be validated by him getting in touch with me after. It’s all long. A year ago I would have probably overlooked a lot of this. I’d have met up with him to try to change his mind about him respecting women. And then I’d have probably fucked him, and desperately wanted him to want to have a relationship with me, I’d have wanted to be the one that stops him needing links.

Well no, not anymore. I really do not judge anyone who likes to have a fuckbuddy. There may come a time in the future when I meet someone who is worthy of fuckbuddy status. But right now, in cases like Jace, I respect my vagina far too highly to allow a vaguely employed, illiterate, misogynist into her, regardless of how insanely sexy he is.

11 thoughts on “I’m Dun

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  1. Love your blog and have been reading it non-stop since I was introduced to it. How weird that we’re so many ladies having gone through so many similar fuckboys/situations while thinking we’re the only ones… my friends know about my ‘bad’ taste in men but i’ve been lucky enough to learnt from my mistakes (im 34 years old so it took me like 20 years to get ‘it’) and not continued things after any red flags and I also don’t continue things with anyone who can’t use punctuation, but i does make me wonder… are there really any good men out there? I’m trying to stay positive but at 34 and been single for around 2 years (with several ‘this-may-be-the-ONE–but-actually-a-fuckboy episodes) and lived by myself for as long (two cats), i have this sinking feeling that I actually will end up alone but at the moment i can’t decide if that may be the best thing to happen.

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