cheating

It’s been over a week since I last posted a blog, my blogs are long and they take time, they are basically the chapters of my book. I’ll change some bits and order them differently, but you are pretty much reading the book in progress. I never set out to do anything other than put my thoughts into words anonymously and see what people thought but the more positive feedback I got the more it occurred to me that I’ve actually got something here and that I am going to turn this into my career.

I’ve told you before that I’ve been in my current career for a long time, I’ve poured blood, sweat, years, and tears into it, but I’m done and I have been for a long while. I don’t love it anymore. I earn relatively good money so I’ve always felt trapped, in order to stay earning my current wage I’d just have to move to a different organisation but with the same career. I don’t want this career anymore or anything related to it. I want a new one. I was looking for jobs in other fields but of course, I have no experience in other fields and so every option I was looking at would mean a significant pay cut and I just cannot afford to do that as a single parent on one wage.

This blog and the anti-fuckboy movement is like a light at the end of the tunnel for me, an opportunity to earn decent money doing something that I absolutely love but this transition period is hard work. I’m effectively working 2 full time jobs on top of raising my son and it’s fucking long. I’m exhausted, I’ve got bags under my eyes, I’ve had to take on a second phone line to separate my personal from the business, and I’m earning absolutely no money from it, but I am happy as fuck. I’m excited and I really truly believe that very soon I will be able to leave my old career behind and put all my focus into this. But I’ve got a lot to learn before I try to get into an industry that I know nothing about.

I’ve bought The Writer’s and Artists Yearbook 2017 which is apparently essential reading for anyone trying to become an author and it’s really opened my eyes to how little I know and how much I have got to do. I was sort of under the impression that publishers would come and find me and so if I just focused on my writing they would track me down and sign me up. But na, that’s not how it works. I need an agent in order to get a publisher. Agents get sent thousands of submissions every year but they might only take on one writer so I have to really impress them at first glance. I have to complete a submission, finely edit 3 chapters, and then figure out who to send it to and I can’t make any mistakes with this.

I sent a submission to an agent in April but I didn’t really know what I was doing. I looked back over it last week and it was littered with mistakes and grammatical errors, the bit where I tried to sell myself was so fucking lame. I was embarrassed, so unsurprisingly last week I received an e-mail saying that my submission was not strong enough. It was my first knock back. I felt like messaging them back saying ‘Ermmm, you are making a big mistake here, this is going to earn millions, MILLIONS I tell you!’ but I didn’t want to be like one of those shit singers on The X Factor who can’t accept being told no and so I just kept it moving. But I  do really believe that it’s their loss.

It made me feel like it’s all going to take a lot longer than I had hoped though, and that’s a bit fucking long. Doing the blogs and my captions, and interacting with you lot on Insta and Facebook are the bits that I enjoy, although it does take up a lot of time. All the other stuff is alien to me and so it’s like being back at school and doing exams. It’s draining and time consuming. I’m telling you all of this because I might not be as on point with the blogs as I have been previously. It’s all a balancing act and so the blogs might not come as frequently as they used to, but they will still come, I’ve just got to take time out to put the leg work in on all the other stuff.

The other problem that I have in relation to this is that I only have four big interesting stories left. I have absolutely loads of small funny stories, but the major Callum/Ashley type stories are running low and I don’t know what to do about this. I’m leaning towards not putting them out and making you wait for the book because otherwise there will be no point in you buying the book as you will have read it all here and I do kind of need you to spend your money on this at some point, sorry. I’ll give all of you original anti-fuckboy army members who have been here since this early stage a discount code though. 10% off and a free ‘No Fuckboys’ hat and badge, you’ll look sick.

I worry though, will everyone get bored if I don’t put out the big deep stories and will you all eventually forget to read the blog? What if I just end up constantly writing about meeting Fuckboys in Shoreditch and boying them off after the first five messages because they are illiterate? This is why I need an agent, because they would be able to advise me. But yeah, the blogs might be a bit shit for a bit and they might not come very often but once I am making money from this I promise I’ll be all yours.

So as you probably suspected, my night out in Shoreditch did not result in me finding the love of my life. I was still talking to Aaron, the hot one with the nice teeth who did not get my joke about killing my ex and who asked the ‘Who do you live with?’ question within the first 5 minutes of messaging. I’m still talking to him because I keep not replying and then 2 days later he’ll just pop up and say ‘Mornin bbe’ and I’ll think ‘Ah, I might as well reply’ and then we have the most dead conversation for about 3 minutes and I stop replying again.

The conversation has been dead from the start so I told him that I wanted to have a video or phone call before agreeing to meet him because I didn’t want to waste my time if the banter was going to be this dry in person. I mentioned this on Insta a few days ago, instead of him just saying ‘cool, give me a call when you’re free’, it became this complex situation where he wanted to know exactly when I planned to call. I was saying ‘I dunno, I’ll just call you later’, and he was saying ‘But I might be at football or at the gym’, and I was saying ‘Well I’ll just call you after 10pm’ and he was saying ‘oh well I might be asleep’, and I was saying ‘YOU’VE GOT A GIRLFRIEND’ (in my head).

The warning signs are very clear, this and his initial question about who I lived with so that he could suss out whether he could keep me away from his house, are big red flags and you really have to heed them at this early stage before any feelings get involved because it’s a minor right now, no feelings involved so I don’t care if I never see him again. The reason why I didn’t call him out on it was that I didn’t really care. We were not an intellectual or conversational match and he was boring me to death and so it’s not like I was going to embark on an affair with him. The only reason that the conversation continued was because he kept messaging me with his illiterate nonsense and I just replied for the sake of it.

On Sunday Aaron messaged me after a couple of days of not being in touch and said:

Him:

‘Hey u’
‘How’s ur weekend going’
‘Wanna have a face time?’

So I faced timed him and he didn’t pick up…

Me:

‘I just tried’

Him:

‘I’ll be home in 20 min’
‘U going for a nap?’

Me:

‘A nap?’

Him:

‘Oh sorry I thought u said u tired lol’
‘Sorry I’m driving’
‘Shud I ring wen I’m in’

Me:

‘I’m just at a fair with my son, he’s just on the bouncy castle but he’ll be off soon so I can’t talk for a bit now’

Him:

‘Shud I ring u afta then’

So I blanked him. He really said ‘AFTA’ you know. Spelling after would only require him to add one additional letter, does it really save him that much time to drop out one little R? And how can he text me asking if I want to face time and then when I ring him within 20 seconds he doesn’t answer? How can that be, how did he manage to get that far away from his phone in that time? My Mum does this all the time, I’ll miss her call and ring back within 0.5 seconds and the phone rings out, like a full 30 rings and she doesn’t answer. I get so baffled, how the fuck has she managed to sprint so far away from her phone that she cannot hear it ringing off the hook? Or maybe she is blanking me? I dunno, it’s mental.

The whole nap thing, I could forgive that, if the rest of the conversation wasn’t littered with aftas and wens and u’s and urs, but it is, and I just cannot deal with it. Isn’t it sad that we live in a time where grammar is actually a turn on because it’s just so rare. Hot and illiterate is a dreadful combination, but it’s out there in abundance. Hot and literate is an absolutely delightful combination but sadly it’s far less common. Certainly among the men that I seem to fancy anyway…..Those of you who follow my Insta will know that today I got a ‘hey stranger’ text from a guy I went on two dates with a few years ago. Chase. Chase is ridiculously hot but fuck me, I instantly remembered why we never had a third date.

First of all he messaged me and asked me how I was twice:

Him:

‘Hey, how u doing stranger?’

Me:

‘I’m doing good thank you’
‘How are you?’

Him:

‘Good u?’

I should have replied ‘Good u?’ to see how long it went on for. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

kidd.png

I’m just finding this quite unbearable to be honest. Anyway, suffice to say, me and Chase ain’t going to be doing any chasing, or dating, or anything else for that matter. He hurts my head. Anyway, back to Aaron. I blanked him because he speaks like a 14 year old on BB messenger circa 2001 and he was boring me. But on Tuesday he rang me out of the blue as I was leaving work. We spoke for about 15 minutes and I was surprised to find that his command of the English language was much better on the phone but the conversation was still less than riveting.

We spoke about a course that he is doing, in fact, that is pretty much all we spoke about. He feels as though the course trainer is bullying him because he was talking during a lesson and the trainer pulled him up. He seemed to think that it was absolutely preposterous (he didn’t use that word though, he doesn’t know it) that he was being reprimanded because he was, in his words:

‘…..actually talking about the class, like, I’m experienced in this subject so I don’t really need to be taught. I’m just taking the course because I need the diploma but I’m not learning anything. I was talking to the guy next to me trying to teach him, how can the guy call me out for that? I was helping someone. There’s going to be tension between me and him through the whole course now, I can tell. He’s proper picking on me.’

What an arrogant, egotistical, prat. This behaviour says a lot about him, his teacher must want to head butt him. I didn’t say that though, I just listened and said ‘Oh no’ at the right points. As I got to my dad’s house to pick my son up I ended the call and told him that I would call him back later. I didn’t and so today he messaged me and asked me for my Insta. I gave him my personal because obviously I’m not going to give a man the blog Insta, I think he would be terrified. He added me and I checked out his page (he’s actually nowhere near as hot as I thought, I think he relaxes his hair because it looks fucking stupid, and he looks much younger than I remember). On one of his most recent pictures there was a comment underneath saying ‘all mine’ from a girl with an open page.

His page has no pictures of her, his page is private, and he has 800 followers. Her page is open and she has about 200 followers because her page is full of pictures of him, and their ONE MONTH old baby. This is very telling. This makes me think that she has had suspicions about him before or she has caught him out. She leaves comments on his pictures so that women he talks to will see her, and she leaves her page open so that we know the koo.

She looked to be in her early 20’s, a pretty looking young woman. I felt sad for her when I realised that on the day that I had met him they had been having a romantic weekend together. I bumped into him walking down Great Eastern Street in Shoreditch with a plastic bag full of alcohol. He said that he was staying in a hotel because it was his boy’s birthday. The pictures on her page show him, her and their ONE MONTH old baby at the same hotel that he told me he had stayed at. So whilst she was sitting in the hotel room caring for their ONE MONTH old baby he was in the streets chatting up women.

This guy. I actually have no words. I sent him a screenshot of her page and said:

‘You’re a bit dumb innit.’

‘So that day when you met me you’d popped out from a weekend with your child and girlfriend? Now the only questions is, should I let her know? (I added several quizzical faced emojis here for effect)’

‘Don’t worry, I’ve already screenshot everything so it’s too late to block me. I don’t really want to fuck up your little family though’

I then got hammered with Whatsapp voice notes. There’s a minute long one, a 2 minute long one, a 51 second long one, a 35 second long one, and the finale was 2 minute 59 seconds. Here’s how the first one went:

For one, it’s stuff that like, for me, you should have asked me about it first rather than jumping to conclusions. You should have waited to see if I was going to tell you about it, but I can see that you’re already on this “oh yeah he’s just another one of those guys” kind of vibe, so if that’s the case then don’t worry. It’s all cool innit, I’ll just leave it there. But, urmm, yeah, I’m not trying to get you involved in anything that you don’t want to be involved in and you know, that’s just it basically. It’s not like to say you and me have done things or spoken about loads of mad stuff to say like I’m going on with some mad shit, but at the end of the day babe if you think ah I don’t want nothing to do with it then that’s fine innit, but now for you saying that the only thing now is whether you should let her know, you’re taking the piss, but it’s whatever innit.’

That was his response. Word for word. You couldn’t make it up. So I voice noted back:

Taking the piss? Does, is, she because ( I’m typing this exactly how I said it), presumably if you’re out here taking people’s numbers while your MRS is sitting in a hotel room waiting for you, then I really don’t know what kind of games you are playing out here, I really don’t. I should probably let you know that I run an Instagram page for women with over 40 THOUSAND followers (I didn’t think 5 thousand reflected the true power and force of the Fuckboy army so I added 35k followers to my real number just to scare him a bit and to convey the levels of our anti-fuckboy strength). It’s actually all about calling out Fuckboys and bad men so I’m really not the person to play these fucking games with mate, really, not the person to play these games with. But I’m not in the business of trying to fuck things up for a woman who quite clearly has already tolerated a load of shit from you over the years.

The way you are saying “oh if it’s not something you want to get involved in then, blah blah” makes me think that you do meet certain girls and that you make those girls aware that you have a Mrs and that they carry on with it anyway. Let’s not play any games here, you didn’t take my number because you wanted to be friends with me, you took my number because you wanted to link me, and to me, if I am exchanging numbers with somebody I am going to assume that they are single. I’m not going to assume that they’ve got a Mrs at home and that they just want to fuck me on the side, that’s not how I roll.

So yeah, I knew you had a girlfriend anyway, I had them feelings because of how weird you were being about video calls and phone calls. It seemed quite obvious, but I thought I’d give you the benefit of the doubt. Do you know that it ain’t really normal to have a young baby and to be out there trying to fuck other women? So, yeah, I really don’t know whether she needs to know or whether there is really no point because you are just a cunt anyway and you are just going to carry on doing what you are doing.’

I do talk a load of shit don’t I? I just waffle without ever really getting to a point. So I was greeted with 3 long voice notes back to back. I can’t copy out the whole 4 minutes but I’ll give you some of the sparkling highlights:

Basically, you’re always going to have your opinion but in my situation, just because I took your number doesn’t mean that you know everything that is going on in my life, yeah I have got a baby, yeah we’re trying to sort things out, but if I feel like any minute, yeah, things are not going to work out, how do you know for example, how do you know if she’s done the same thing?……. ‘

‘But at the same time, I’ve never said like I want to fuck you, I was just trying to get to know you. It could be a question of us being friends and then we could have got more out of it, who knows, obviously I do have an attraction towards you but I wasn’t trying to jump into anything….’

‘I’ve grown up seeing so many relationships and marriages and I’ve seen people putting their everything all into one person and they’ve got fuck all out of it, so since back in the day I’ve always said I’m not going to be that person and I will keep my options open, unless I’m married, that’s the only time when I’ll know for a fact that everything is sorted….’

‘Obviously me taking your number must show you that things aren’t going well, and so if you’re seeing that as a piss take then fine but I just don’t want you to, I dunno, do something stupid and start trying to like, mess up any little chance I might have of getting things back on track…..’

‘Initially, my intentions at the start was to just meet up as friends, I’ve never given you any intention that I’m just trying to fuck you, this that the other, but it is what it is babe, you know what I’m trying to say?’

Yeah I do mate, you’re trying to say that you and your Mrs are going through a rocky patch because you probably keep cheating on her you stupid little weirdo and now you’re terrified that I am going to expose you to my 40 thousand followers and you are shitting yourself so you are trying to keep me on side and convince me that you are out here looking for new friends. You fucking cunt.

So this was my voice note response:

‘I just think that’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard, that until you marry someone you’re going to fuck around, like, that’s not really what relationships are about, and I’m sure that you’re not going to take the same view of your Mrs, like, if she’d have popped to the shops while you were in a hotel room looking after your baby and she took a man’s number, I don’t think that you would be thinking ah well, we’re not married so it’s OK. It really doesn’t work like that.

So don’t give me your bull shit about “ohh I just wanted to get to know you and be friends”, no you didn’t, you wanted to fuck me, you didn’t stop any men on the road who looked like they might have similar interests to you, who looked like they might be your type of guy, maybe a guy wearing a football shirt of your team, you didn’t stop any of them and decide that you wanted to get to know them so don’t make it like it’s some innocent thing.

And actually if that was the case then when you met me you should have said right from the get go listen, I’ve got a girlfriend so if you take my number you need to know that from the start. Then that would give me the opportunity to say no, I’m not that type of woman. And luckily I didn’t waste a lot of time, or effort, or energy, but I could have done, we were going to meet up. When would you have told me? When I started catching feelings or what? I just think it’s a really unfair position to put someone in and more of an unfair position to put your baby mum in, and your child. Are you even thinking about your child when you’re doing all this fucking bullshit? You really need to think about the impact that you fucking about will have on your child’

He went on to tell me that he always had plans to tell me, he said that if we had got on and he thought that we had the potential to go somewhere then he would have told me then, I’m not going to type out the whole of that 3 minute long voice note but here are the edited highlights:

You don’t know the situation, me and her have been on the rocks for time, it’s only recently that we have been trying to make things work, because of the baby, but obviously at the back of my mind it’s not been great recently and there is a good chance that we might not even work out so me asking for your number is only me saying to myself “you know what, we’ll see where it goes, it might not go anywhere, who knows” but for now we can just chat and be on a friendly conversation…’

‘And yes, I will agree that it’s not the best thing to do, it’s frowned upon but as I said, you don’t know my situation so I’d appreciate if you’d kind of fall back a little bit because the way you talk it’s like you know everything and you’ve got the answers for everything. Life is fucked up, but like I said, I’ve learnt from other examples, including my Mum, that there is no fairy tale, there’s no guarantees. Like, I’ve only got one life and I’m planning to live it. I’m not going to stay with someone just because they’ve got my yute, I’ve seen what that does, it brings unhappiness and he might be better off if we were separate…’

‘Ummm, I’m just going to leave it there babe, ummm, I ain’t going to block you, I ain’t going to delete you. All I’m going to say is this, obviously you feel a certain way now, that’s fine, we’ll just leave it there and put a rest to it tonight but if my situation changes and I’m like, proper single, and I can be straight with you and I will let you know, alright? Cool’ (FYI – I’m going to play his voice notes on my Insta live on Friday 30/06/2017 approx 10pm GMT)

I’m actually laughing at his idiot levels. So he is intending to have another go one day if his situation changes and he’s ‘proper single’? Ooh yeah, maybe I should hold out and wait for him. He’s shown me what a great catch he is. I didn’t respond. I left him on the blue ticks. I was about to voice note him back breaking down how, it wasn’t just the fact that he took my number, it was the circumstances in which he did it that make him such an unbelievable maggot. YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND CHILD WERE IN A HOTEL WAITING FOR YOU. And if he is to be believed, that this was a romantic weekend away for them to try to repair the relationship, then clearly his motivation is not that strong and he’s just a weak rat bag who can’t say how he really feels, which is that he wants out of his current situation.

I laughed at the fact that he’s trying to justify it with all that bullshit about how it’s better for children if parent’s don’t stay together for the sake of the kids when there is no love between them. He’s right, so why the fuck doesn’t he leave her?? And the way he said ‘it’s frowned upon’, do me a favour you twat. We’re not talking about spitting on the street, we are talking about shitting on a woman who has just carried your child for 9 months and has sacrificed her breasts and vagina, and quite frankly, her entire life, in order to bring your son into the world and you pay her back by taking other women’s numbers during your romantic family break. Fuck you and everything you stand for you selfish piece of shit.

He has not affected my life at all, in fact he’s enhanced it by giving me all this material but I hate him for what he is doing to her. I’m not going to tell her though. She doesn’t need to know, firstly, as I said before, she quite clearly already knows what he is all about, but mainly, I’m not going to tell her because I know how hard it is to have a new born, she really does not need the stress. Especially because the likelihood is that she will go through a load of drama only to stay with him. Karma will deal with him.

It’s been 24 hours now and I have now blocked him on everything. As far as he knows I haven’t decided whether to tell her or not. Because I mentioned that I had screen shot the conversation he thinks I’m going to post it on Insta. I hope he can’t sleep at night for the worry and that it makes him think twice before playing his selfish games again.

They really never cease to amaze me. Fuckboys are out there among us in their millions and we have to stay as wide awake as possible to avoid them. His girlfriend is going to have a lifetime of it if she doesn’t start to value herself and walk away now. We must all do the same. Stop trying to force these broken, pointless relationships. And if you are single, stay very alert to the signs that he’s not and do not listen to any of the bullshit that he comes with in order to justify himself. I’m off to Google ‘100 really great things that men have done’ because right now I’m feeling ever so slightly like men ain’t shit and I really don’t like feeling that way.