I feel like it’s about time for me to explain my definition of a fuckboy because I don’t think it fits in with the usual definition. I believe that a fuckboy is any man who hurts, uses, controls, manipulates, deceives, or just generally brings misery or stress to the women who he gets romantically involved with. I think that fuckboy fuckbuggery can come out in a variety of different ways and I think that there are several different types of fuckboy. Below I have compiled a definitive guide to help us all to identify them a little bit more easily.
None of the categories are exclusive, fuckboys can fall into a several of the categories that I have listed. For example, they might be Misogyistic Narcissistic Fuckboys or Ghosting Wasteman Spiritual Fuckboys, the more categories that they cross over into gives you an indication of their level of Fuckboy. You should stay away from any man who displays any of the behaviours on my list, especially if they fall into more than one category. Maybe you could print the guide out and keep it with you to help you to stay safe. Stay woke ladies, there are a lot of different fuckboys about.
The Narcissistic Fuckboy
The narcissistic fuckboy is hard work. Narcissists behave as though they really love themselves because deep down they really don’t. They display over inflated egos and arrogant self-love to deflect away from the fact that inside they are deeply damaged and deeply insecure. Your typical narcissistic fuckboy will be a regular gym user and he will frequently post his workouts on Instagram and Snapchat, because if nobody can see his workout it didn’t count. He will post his protein shakes and meal prep too, because it’s so fascinating for everyone to see what he’s going to eat for the next 3 days.
He will often have tattoos and whitened teeth, a nice car, and a flashy watch, and he will try to stay on trend. He won’t be able to purchase a pair of Yeezys without posting pictures of his purchase on every social media platform he can think of, because if nobody is rating your trainers then they don’t count. Or he might be a real high flyer, in which case his Instagram will be full of pictures of cars, yachts and exclusive holidays, with motivational quotes about making money. All of this man’s exes will be crazy (if a man says this you should really start to wonder why).
The narcissist fuckboy will dominate conversations and it might be hard to get a word in edge ways, and when he does stop talking about himself for long enough, he will never respond in the right way, he will either dismiss your words or try to use them to criticise you. For example, if you tell him you’ve had a disagreement with a friend, instead of listening and supporting you he’ll brush it off as being minor and say something like ‘Why are you always falling out with people, what’s wrong with you man?’
Narcissists like to turn your emotional reactions back on you. So if you then say to him ‘I feel like that’s not very supportive’ he will start an argument, usually something like ‘Ohhhhh so now I’m not supportive after I just paid your gas bill and drove you to work, OK then’. With most things you talk about they disagree or know better. You could be a nurse and he could be a plumber but a narcissist fuckboy will think he knows more about nursing then you do. A narcissistic Fuckboy won’t have any tact or sensitivity and he will tell you that you’ve put on weight, or that he’s just noticed that you have quite a big nose, but he’ll say it in a banter way so that if you get upset he can turn it around on you and accuse you of being over sensitive.
A narcissist is all about himself and will break promises and dates solely based on what suits him and with no consideration for how it might affect anyone else. One of my Instagram friends messaged me about a situation that happened with her and a narcissistic Fuckboy recently, they had been seeing each other for a few weeks but they did not have a label although they were staying together regularly. The guy had never been to the Theatre and so she booked Lion King tickets for him as a surprise, he knew she had booked tickets but not what for. He told her the day before they were due to go out that he didn’t want her to sleep round at his after the theatre because he had a day off work the next morning and did not want to be woken up by her. She was a bit annoyed about this so she mentioned it. They had a row. He ignored her for 12 hours and then the next day, the day of the date, he text her and said that he had decided to give the theatre a miss. How can you just decide to give the theatre a miss? What a classless, uncultured, selfish narcissistic piece of shit.
If you then go on to tell that type of man how rude it is for him to have done that he will somehow turn it back on you. YOU caused him to cancel by bringing him stress about not staying over. Narcissists do not like to be criticized but they love to dish out criticism. They want to feel superior to everyone else and so they will try to subtly bash your confidence so that you end up feeling inferior to them. The worst thing about narcissists is that they can be the most unbelievably attentive, loving, caring, charming men that you will ever meet. When they want you, which is only when they need you to fulfil some kind of need for them (company, intimacy, sex, somewhere to stay), they will treat you like the sexiest most important woman in the world. That’s what gets you hooked.
When they’re good they’re very very good, but when they are bad they are terrible. Once they have lost interest in you they will just drop you out, they are often ghosters, they have no consideration whatsoever for how them dropping you out might affect you and they don’t really care. They lack the empathy to be able to understand or care about how their actions affect you. They are also the ones who get back in touch every now and then after you have vowed to get over them. They like to keep women interested in them, even if they have no intention of ever making it work with her.
Narcissists will leave you drained of self-worth. They make you constantly question yourself and they can turn a strong and vocal woman into someone who keeps shtum because it’s not worth saying anything at all. These ones are a complete head fuck and you will lose sense of yourself if you stay with them for too long, and you will spend a lot of time arguing. Drop them out before they drop you in favour of someone who they consider to be more of a trophy.
The Spiritual Fuckboy
Spiritual Fuckboys claim to be enlightened, they believe that they are existing on a higher vibrational level to the rest of us mere mortals. Spiritual Fuckboys come across as deep, sensitive, new age guys, who have a deep love for The Universe. A spiritual fuckboy will tell you that you are lost, but that he can see a special light in you, he will want to guide you and lead you on a path to healing and enlightenment, but this is only because he wants your vagina. The spiritual Fuckboy won’t care about fashion or how he looks, he will probably wear wooden or leather jewellery and maybe have a few mystical looking tattoos. He will either be a heavy weed smoker or he’ll be completely clean living and very conscious about what he puts in his body and he will try to school you on the harm that having a coffee or a paracetamol will do to you.
The Spiritual Fuckboy will have hardly any pictures of himself on Instagram because he does not feel that his physical self is a representation of who he is, he will just have loads of quote pictures about The Universe and higher powers. He will go on about how humble he is all the time and how he’s not like other guys, as though other guys are beneath him because they have not yet reached his level of spirituality. The religious Fuckboy also fits into the same category as the spiritual fuckboy. They will use teachings and scriptures to justify why they need to touch you or heal you and to convince you that you need them, because they have some divine link to God or The Universe. They prey on vulnerable women and they use their knowledge to try to have power over you.
Those weirdo guru guys who brainwash women into cults and those filthy pastors who sleep with multiple women in the congregation (despite being married) are spiritual fuckboys. They will invite you over to teach you something (they are always trying to teach you something so that you feel inferior to them, in awe of them, or indebted to them) and then they will claim that they have some kind of magical healing hands and they will convince you that they can spiritually heal or bring you closer to the light through the power of their touch alone.
It’s easy to fall for spiritual fuckboys because they will constantly tell you that they are not fuckboys and they will come at you with so much mystical babble that you will believe them. Be careful of these ones – if he’s trying to change you and give you knowledge through his teachings then that is a red flag – why would a man want to change you? He should like you for who you are. Be careful of those who are trying to guide you into the light because ‘the light’ is usually spiritual fuckboy code for their dick.
The Wasteman Fuckboy
The wasteman fuck boy is a complete waste of space, hence the name. He probably has a mash up old Nokia and can only text or one ring you because he’s run out of free calls. If he has a smart phone then he never has any data and only uses social media and What’s App when he’s on Wifi. His Instagram will not be an honest reflection of his poverty ridden life and he will probably have pictures of him holding huge bottles of grey goose, they won’t be his bottles though, just some random bottle he has picked up in a club purely for the photo opportunity. He will display his fake Gucci belt proudly in the pictures too, while holding up one finger and swearing at the camera, I don’t know why. The wasteman has relied on women all of his life for housing and food. He probably dresses fairly well because he also gets those women to buy him clothes or he borrows clothes from friends.
The wasteman will be perpetually starting a new career. He nearly qualified as a personal trainer, and he nearly qualified as an electrician, but now he’s doing a SIA course to become a security guard, although because he keeps forgetting to turn up for classes it’s taking a while to qualify. He’s had jobs in warehouses and shops but they never lasted long because he always gets sacked for not arriving on time or for telling the boss to fuck himself. He has also spent long periods on job seekers allowance and doing stints of community service. He might make a bit of change selling some bush weed for his Uncle but he probably smokes away most of his profit.
Wastemen fuckboys look for women with their own places because they need a home, and food. They seek out lonely looking women in the supermarket queue with ready meals for one and ‘Who do you live with?’ will be one of the first questions they ask on Tinder. Alternatively they will seek out women with children because they know that they usually have their own homes and that the cupboards are stocked with snacks.
If he has a baby mother he will definitely continue to sleep with her, even if he says he’s not, he can’t contribute anything other than dick to her household but she tolerates him for the sake of the kids. He needs her so that he has a regular place to sleep and eat if all else fails. He will not let that relationship of convenience end, even when he gets a girlfriend. Or several girlfriends, because a wasteman needs to maximise the amount of women that are buying clothes and topping up his pay as you go phone.
The Wasteman Fuckboy will never tell you that he’s broke or ask for money, there will always be some reason for his lack of funds on that particular day, something will have gone drastically wrong like he’s lost his bank card or he’s had to pay his baby mum £400 this month to cover school uniforms (lies) and that has left him a bit short. He’ll drop hints about feeling terrible that he can’t take you out and about how he might not be able to stay at yours for a while because he won’t have the money to travel to his job or training and so of course you, being the kind and nurturing person that you are, will offer to lend him some. You will top up his Oyster and make up a Tupperware box for him to take for lunch the next day, you will pay for meals at restaurants, and this will eventually become a habit. He will talk a good talk about his big plans for the future and so you will feel that you are helping him through a rough patch and that he will be on his feet soon.
The Wasteman doesn’t have a place of his own. He sofa surfs but he won’t tell you that. There will be some story about how he had a ‘sick’ house but that it all fell through somehow (through no fault of his own) and so he has unexpectedly ended up having to stay at his Nan’s/Brother’s/cousin’s place, but it’s cool because he’s got this place lined up and he will be moving in soon (enter a complicated story about some person he knows moving out of somewhere and him having to wait until they leave before he can move in). But that flat will never transpire, and the wasteman will subtly move himself into your house without you really realising, he’ll stay regularly but not every night so that you can’t ask him to contribute, and he might do a few things round the house, put up a shelf or whatever, so that you feel like you owe him something and you turn a blind eye to the lack of financial contribution.
The wasteman fuckboy is probably fantastic in bed, he needs to be to ensure that women keep begging him to come back. Dick really is the only thing that he has to offer. The wasteman will drain you, it’s like adopting a man-child, he will become dependent on you without you realising and sometimes we quite like to be depended on and so lonely women easily fall into the wasteman trap. A wasteman can seem great at the start because he’s always around but don’t get fooled, he’s not always around because he’s falling for you and can’t be away from you, he’s always around because he’s got fuck all else to do and he wants your food. If you come across one of these fuckboys you need to be googling the number for your local waste removal service ASAP.
The Hypersexual Fuckboy
Satyriasis is the male version of nymphomania but those terms are no longer used. Mental health professionals now use the term hyper-sexuality. Hypersexual behaviour can be a symptom of a number of mental illnesses including depression and borderline personality disorder. A hypersexual Fuckboy is more than just a guy who loves sex. He is addicted to sex in the same way that someone could be addicted to smoking or drinking. A hypersexual fuckboy gets high from his encounters with women and he spends a lot of time seeking out women to have new encounters with. He will be on all of the dating apps and he will be talking to, and sleeping with, multiple women. Hypersexual men usually hate themselves and feel disgusted by their behaviour once they have cum, but it doesn’t take long before they are looking for their next fix. The pursuit of the woman is all part of it, he gets high on the thrill of the chase and then on the euphoria of finally ending up in a pussy, but none of this is actually fulfilling for him. He develops no emotional bond or connection and he does not care much for the women that he is fucking.
He’s fucking for all the wrong reasons. Like any addict, he’s doing it to escape from pain and trauma, emotional hurt or anxiety, the sex leaves him feeling dirty and ashamed but he cannot break the vicious cycle because when he’s not fucking or setting up his next fuck he’s just left with his own thoughts and those thoughts are full of loneliness and self-hatred. The hypersexual fuckboy will wank a lot. You might even catch him wanking next to you in bed. He will have frequent one night stands and he will probably use prostitutes. He will rarely use condoms because that adds to the thrill. He will probably be into anal, threesomes, and porn, and he will probably be up for anything in the bedroom.
I have a close male friend who is a hypersexual fuckboy. He’s gorgeous, a high flying thirty year old senior investment banker. He was badly hurt by his first love and since then he has been rampaging his way through the women of London in the most unbelievable way. He uses Tinder like a free escort service, he takes all his dates to Nobu or Novikov and so they think that they are special and that usually leads to them sleeping with him on the first night. He’s got a 3 date rule, he never sees a woman more than 3 times whether he has fucked her or not, because he thinks that after 3 dates women start to complicate things. After the third night he usually ghosts because he can’t be bothered to deal with the drama of ending it.
He sleeps with around 4 different women a week at the moment and he NEVER uses condoms. The women he dates are stunning, seriously jaw droppingly beautiful women, and every single one of them lets him cum inside her without a condom because he convinces them that he hasn’t had sex for a while and that he usually uses protection. This is a message he sent me a few months ago:
He hates what he is doing. As he said, he’s drained both mentally and physically, but he can’t stop. He’s addicted to pussy because pussy distracts him from resolving his real issues. Hypsersexual fuckboys are very good in bed but Hypersexual fuckboys are a big risk to your vagina, you must stay very safe and demand condom use at all times until you’ve both been tested, because you might not know from the outset that you are dealing with a hypersexual man, and you should stay well away from his dick once you do.
The Cheating Fuckboy
There are a variety of different reasons why men cheat and I’d have to write a whole blog to be able to go into all of them but basically they are either hypersexual (see above), or borderline hypersexual, or they are unhappy in the relationship but they are too cowardly to leave. My male friends tell me that it’s just not in the male nature to be monogamous. They always use that stupid analogy about having steak at home but not wanting to eat steak every night so they have a burger and an Indian every now and then in order to add a little variety to their lives. They say it’s meaningless and has no reflection on how they feel about their partners. That it’s just a physical need and because men can detach emotions from sex we should not read too much into it.
One of the (many) problems with cheating fuckboys is that they are often unknowingly making side chicks out of women. They don’t go out there being honest and open about having girlfriends. They lie to the women who they are cheating with and so they are effectively cheating on both their partners and their lovers. There are a serious amount of cheating fuckboys out there, especially on dating apps. And it can be hard to spot them because they are masterful liars and manipulators. It comes naturally to them to just spit out constant dishonesty.
A cheating fuckboy will not become friends with you on Facebook, in fact he will probably claim not to have any social media. There will be a variety of very good reasons why you can’t go to his house and he will only message you during certain times of the day. If a man always stops messaging you at around the same time every night then he probably lives with his Mrs. He will probably want dates to take place indoors well away from the area where he lives.
If you are the Mrs of a cheating fuckboy then usually you know. The signs will be there, he will constantly accuse you of cheating, or he’ll disappear off for over-time but the money coming in doesn’t reflect all the hours he’s been putting in. He’ll swing from being distant to being really over affectionate, he’ll be going out more often, and being more cagey with his phone and even if he’s doing none of those things then your gut will probably tell you. Some cheating fuckboys will literally show no warning signs whatsoever, they cover their tracks well, like this guy who contacted me on Instagram and spent the day explaining his fuckbuggery to me:
This guy has been in a relationship with a woman who he says he loves and adores for 12 years and they have a young child. She has never caught him out and she has never even been suspicious. He has a job that requires him to work away from home occasionally but the Mrs thinks it’s frequently and so he carries out his cheating during that time. He uses Tinder and POF to meet women, but he has a special GPS changer app so he can make it look like he’s on tinder in Birmingham when he’s really in Brixton, so if anyone says they saw him on there then he can prove to his Mrs that it could not have been him because of the location.
He has a separate line and phone which his girlfriend does not know about and he deletes all evidence off it before he goes home. The women he cheats with don’t know that he’s in a relationship and he usually only fucks them once but leads them to believe he really likes them before he fucks them and continues to string them along after he has slept with them even though he has no intention of seeing them again. He said it’s an ego boost. He said it’s also an ego boost to his intelligence, and the fact that he keeps getting away with it is a buzz. He said he feels sick every time he cheats, but he can’t stop. He said that he and his girlfriend have an amazing relationship and that they are both very happy. This guy really blew my mind. Cheating fuckboys are sly, disrespectful, selfish cunts. There’s nothing more that can be said. Just stay alert ladies, that’s all I can suggest.
The Roadman (criminal) Fuckboy
There are several levels of road mannery and criminality, starting with the very low level street rats who sell drugs directly to drug users, or who engage in scummy crimes like theft, robbery, gang related activity etc. You will be able to identify this type of Fuckboy by his Stone Island puffa jacket that he wears fully zipped with hood always up, regardless of the weather. He has his Nike man-bag strewn horizontally across his body at all times and he cycles everywhere. His trousers might also be puzzlingly low slung with most of his buttocks and grey looking boxers exposed, as if he wants people to be excited about his bum cheeks, which is weird because roadman fuckboys are notoriously homophobic. I really do not know why you would want to be romantically linked to this type of Fuckboy if you are over the age of 17, in fact, even if you are 17 you really should stay well away too, the highest rates of chlamydia and teenage pregnancy are found in this type of fuckboy.
The next level up is the mid-level roadman, he might sell drugs on to the low level roadman, or he might be involved in running ‘deets’ (credit card fraud) or slightly more organised robberies of other criminals or companies. This type of roadman will usually be very flashy. He will wear Balenciaga trainers and dubiously obtained Rolex watches, he might take pictures of himself holding wads of money to his ears pretending that it’s a phone, like a 5 year old. His Instagram will have numerous pictures of his holidays to Miami, Vegas and Dubai (paid for on deets) and he will wear big gold chains, even whilst he is hanging out by a swimming pool. He will probably have quite a lot of money coming in but he will lack the knowledge and wisdom to be able to do anything sensible with it and therefore whilst he can buy you Loubs or rent a penthouse for a bit, he will not be able to go halves on a mortgage or offer you any real long term financial stability. His money is easy come, easy go, a bit like him.
The higher level roadman will be more subtle than the other two, unlike them he does not want everyone to know how much money he has got coming in because he is smart enough to not want to risk losing it for the sake of impressing people. He probably graduated from roadman to dodgy business man a while ago, he might have invested his money is into legitimate businesses like a garage or a kebab shop, so that he can clean his money. He probably owns property and drives a range rover and he definitely has a long term woman somewhere in his life, a childhood sweetheart who knows the ins and outs of his operations. He will never ever leave her, and she turns a blind eye to his other women because she is accustomed to living a very nice lifestyle. This guy is usually a bit older, very sexy, charismatic and filthy in bed.
The thing about roadmen and criminal Fuckboys is that you are never their first priority, he will choose doing road over doing you most of the time. If he’s a low level eeeediat roadman he may even live by the motto ‘Money over bitches’. This type of Fuckboy will put you at risk, you might become the target of violent repercussions. A lot of gang members are now harming the girlfriend’s or female relatives of their enemies in retaliation. You could get caught in the crossfire of all sorts of madness just by walking down the road with him. He might cause your house to get raided by Police and if you’ve been stupid enough to look after things for him then you could even end up getting nicked yourself.
He will probably be in and out of jail and you will be quite thankful for the times when he is locked up because at least you will know where he is. Dating a roadman is not fun. Sometimes he won’t be in touch for days because he’s got to lay low and he won’t be able to keep phones for any great length of time so you will often have no way of communicating with him. He’s dealing with nasty, evil, fucked up people and situations day in and day out and so he will be damaged and he might find it hard to trust you. The risks associated with being with a roadman fuckboy far outweigh the rewards. Get out before you get a criminal record.
The Ghosting Fuckboy
I can’t give you a detailed description of the ghosting fuckboy because I can’t remember what he looks like, he disappeared a while ago. But generally there is no archetypal ghoster, the ghoster really can take any form. Ghosters are horrible. A ghoster will be messaging you daily, regular good morning and good night texts, putting plans in place for dates, acting as if he’s feeling you and then bam, one day the messages just stop. Sometimes even mid conversation. It only takes a few hours before you start racking your brains for what you might have said or done, you change your What’s App picture in case that was the cause.
You become anxiety ridden and start messaging your friends to ask what they think has happened. They tell you to calm down but you can’t because you can feel it, something is very wrong. And so you wait for 24 hours and send him a message but you don’t get a response even though you can see that he is online. You wonder if he might have died or had a terrible accident and lost his hands so he can no longer text. You go through so many different scenarios in your head that you begin to convince yourself that you better ring him to show love and support, despite your friends telling you not to.
And so you call, and of course he doesn’t answer or call back, despite being online 5 minutes later. And then you wish you hadn’t called because it finally dawns on you that he’s a massive cunt and that he’s ghosted. That doesn’t stop you continually checking to see whether he is online and continuing to hold out mild hope that when your phone goes it will be him, but it won’t, it’ll be your Mum and you will be really annoyed with her for giving you false excitement by texting.
These early days ghosters are bastards, cowardly, childish bastards, but they are not as bad as those who ghost from actual relationships. My friend’s Mum was in a happy relationship with an amazing man for 17 years and one day she came home from work to find him gone, he’d taken all of his belongings, changed his phone number and completely disappeared. She never heard from him again.
Ghosters make us feel like shit because they offer absolutely no explanation for their disappearance and so naturally we begin to question ourselves. They make us feel holistically inadequate, we question whether it was something we said, did we come on too strong, are we too ugly, not funny enough, we have no idea and so we analyse every little thing about ourselves that might have put a man off until we are left with very little self-esteem and still no answers.
The answer is that he is a wimp. There are a million reasons why a man might want to stop talking to a woman but we will never know the real reason unless he tells us, so analysing it for hours is a complete waste of time. He might have met someone else, he might be busy at work, his ex might have got in touch, or he might think that you are too good for him, it really could be anything. The bottom line is that a ghosting fuckboy doing a disappearing act is really no great loss to you. Why would you want some under developed fucktard in your life who can’t even adhere to the basic rules of communication and how to treat others? He’s an idiot. There’s no ifs or buts. Ghosters do sometimes come back, usually with a sob story of some sort, but they should not be given second chances unless they show real remorse and an understanding of how horrible it is to ghost, and even then I’d be careful.
The Brain-dead Fuckboy
The brain-dead fuckboy is sexy as fuck, jaw droppingly, fanny tinglingly hot. He has to be because there is no way that you would entertain this moron otherwise. The brain-dead fuckboy is so beautiful to look at that for a few dates you can overlook the fact that he doesn’t know what Brexit means or that he is unsure of the difference between your and you’re. You tell yourself that it doesn’t matter, you can teach him, plus you have great conversations with your friends and so you convince yourself that it doesn’t really matter if your boyfriend doesn’t know who Theresa May is, you and him can just talk about other stuff, like memes and Migos.
The brain-dead fuckboy will use words like ‘dis’ and ‘dat’ in both text and conversation and he will say things like ‘Yeah, I hear dat still’ (he’s not lying, he has heard dat – he just doesn’t have a clue what you are talking about). The brain-dead fuckboy will constantly ask you for pictures because it’s easier for him to communicate through visuals instead of the written word. If you do send a picture he will just respond with an emoji and requests for more pics. He will call you his queen and say things like ‘one day me and you are going to retire and move to Spain because I am sick of being ruled by politicians, I just want to go somewhere where we can be free, without no Government and all that’.
The brain-dead fuckboy is really only good for one thing, and even that can be hard work because he won’t understand what you mean when you say that you are ovulating. He is a nightmare to argue with because he literally does not get what you are trying to tell him and his replies will usually just be a series of wows. He will say ‘Wow, wow, wow, just say what you’re saying innit, believe what you want to believe’ because he does not have the brain capacity to come up with anything else. The brain-dead fuckboy will never be able to offer you mental stimulation, he can’t help you grow, you will have to dumb down to be able function at his level and eventually you will want to smash him in the nose with a dictionary. Allow him.
The Misogynistic Fuckboy
A misogynistic fuckboy hates women, usually because of some early childhood trauma caused by a female figure who broke his trust. He will not realise that he is a misogynist and he will get really angry if you accuse him of being one but his actions will show you otherwise. The misogynistic fuckboy will probably be quite irresistible and charming, an alpha male character. He will want to save you and look after you. But like the narcissist and the violent fuckboy, he will be a Jekyll and Hyde character. He will have very clear ideas about the defined gender roles within relationships and he will expect you to be a good homemaker who has his dinner ready on the table when he gets in from work. He will expect to be the man of the house in all respects. The misogynistic fuckboy believes that women are crazy and all of his exes are psychos as far as he is concerned.
The misogynistic fuckboy will often cheat because he has no respect for women, and he believes that men are naturally not monogamous and so by cheating he is just doing what men do. But if you cheated on him that would be the end of the world and it would confirm to him that he was right that women are just untrustworthy, lying, whores.
A misogynistic fuckboy will ask you if you are on your period when you raise issues with him. He won’t take you seriously because he will just think you are an over emotional woman. He will be competitive and jealous of your successes and he will become nasty if he thinks that you have excelled at something above him. He will always pay for dates but will believe that most women are gold diggers.
He will be overly focused on your outward appearance and will mainly compliment you on your looks because he can’t take any of your other attributes seriously, he will always think that you are slightly inferior to him, simply because of your gender. The misogynistic will be rough and controlling in bed and will call other women derogatory names like sluts or whores for being sexually active or for dressing a certain way. He will have very fixed ideas about women and he will absolutely hate feminists. If you try to talk to him about women’s issues like sexual violence or female genital mutilation he will argue that women want it, or that women are often perpetrators too, or he will start arguing that men are also sexually assaulted and circumcised too. He will have an opposing answer for everything.
You will never be equal in a relationship with a misogynistic fuckboy, he will never be able to truly respect you. No woman should be in a relationship with a man who hates women, you must run as soon as you spot the signs.
The No Labels Fuckboy
The no labels fuckboy is usually rather a swaggy young fellow, generally fairly good looking and charming, someone who finds it easy to get women. He’s probably had a fairly recent long term relationship and he will tell you from the start that he is not looking for anything heavy, he just wants to date and take things slowly, and you will be cool with that because you will think that eventually you will be able to entice him to be your boyfriend with your delightful personality and life changing pussy.
The no labels fuckboy is confusing as fuck because he will treat you as though you are in a relationship, he’ll take you out, introduce you to his friend’s (but not as his girlfriend), he’ll stay in regular contact, but he will not put any official title on your relationship. You will just be ‘hanging out’ or ‘seeing’ each other. Every time he speaks to a friend whilst you are with him you will have your ears pricked waiting for him to say ‘I’m just with my girl’, but he doesn’t, and you will be left anxiously trying to stop yourself from blurting out ‘WHAT ARE WE??’ every 5 minutes because you know that doing so would fuck things up completely.
The no labels fuckboy is probably sleeping with other women but hey, he’s allowed, he’s not in a relationship after all. He likes you and he likes what you’ve got but he doesn’t yet feel ready to commit or be tied down. The boyfriend label makes him feel like he has obligations and responsibilities towards you and he just does not want to feel like that, he wants fun and easy. He might also be reluctant to put a label on things because he’s not quite sure about you or he’s not quite over his ex.
How you feel will be irrelevant to him because he has decided that this is how it’s going to be and if you put pressure on him to give you a label or you cause stress because you don’t have one then he will just end it. And because you want to eventually get a label you will keep your mouth shut about how you really feel to avoid fucking things up.
It’s a horrible situation to be in and you have to decide whether you are really cool with just waiting around in the vain hope that someday he might make you official, because there’s always a risk that he won’t and that you will have wasted months or years of your precious life chasing after a man who will never be yours. If what you want is a proper relationship then you should go out and find a man who wants the same, it will save you a lot of heartache.
The Violent/Controlling Fuckboy
Danger! DANGER! FUCKING DANGER! You need to heed the early warning signs with these fuckboys and take action as soon as you spot them. Please do not think that violence is only physical, it’s not. Control is violence, emotional abuse is violence, sexual control or abuse is violence, financial control is violence, the threat of violence is violence, if you experience any of those things then you are in a violent relationship even if he’s never hit you. There is no proto-type for these Fuckboys, no dress code, or other physically identifiable features. The violent/controlling fuckboy can come in any shape or size, age, race or class, from any walk of life.
They usually start out behaving like the perfect man, they can hold it down for a little while and they will lull you into a false sense of security. You will fall for him quickly because you will think you have found the perfect man, a man who compliments you, wants to be with you, calls you loads, facetimes you when he’s not with you, and wants to pick you up after nights out to keep you safe. He will make you feel wanted and needed. But you might start to notice fairly soon that he’s a bit unnecessarily jealous of, or focused on your exes. He might start accusing you of flirting with men on nights out, or start asking you who you are texting.
He might start arguments when you want to go out or accuse you of dressing slutty when you do. He might pull you up about having too much cleavage on show in an Instagram pic. He might start saying nasty things about your friends and accuse them of being loose, he might convince you to stop going out with them because he thinks that people will think that you are a hoe if you are associating with them. And before you know it he’s isolated you from your friends and you barely go out anymore because it’s just not worth the shit that he gives you when you do.
The violent/controlling fuckboy will probably put you down and belittle you both at home and in public. He will make you look stupid in front of friends and family and he will also become irrationally jealous about your relationship with them. A friend of mine had a violent boyfriend who accused her of having sex with her Dad because she ended up sleeping over at his house one night. Violent/controlling fuckboys will accuse you of being interested in male colleagues and will kick off if your male manager messages you.
The violent/controlling fuckboy will probably use drugs or drink heavily and will blame those substances for his outbursts. He will also blame you for his bad moods. Everything he does will be your fault. The violent/controlling fuckboy will probably punch walls, throw things, or drive like a lunatic while you are in the car to scare you. He will destroy your confidence and put you in a position where you constantly feel like you have to prove your love for him.
The violent/controlling fuckboy will have sex with you whether you want to or not (this is rape, even if you are in a relationship) and he will make you feel like your body is disgusting and unworthy. He might also be physically violent towards you, anything from hard pinches and grips to full on beating. This man could take your life someday. He really could. 2 women per week are killed in England by violent partners or ex-partners. If he’s treating you like this he’s already robbing you of your life even if he never physically kills you. He’ll kill your spirit.
Violent and controlling fuckboys will have opened up to you about their troubled childhoods – because they definitely had a troubled childhood, they don’t just behave like this for no reason – and so you will have empathy for him. He will balance out the violent/controlling incidents with occasional spells of really lovely behaviour. He will be apologetic, and sometimes absolutely bereft with guilt, but he cannot sustain it for long.
It is very hard to leave these violent/controlling fuckboys because they threaten your safety if you do, or they threaten to kill themselves. They might stalk and harass you if you end the relationship and they might try to fuck up your future relationships or make you believe that nobody else will ever want you. But it can be done, you can leave. Women can and do survive domestic violence and come out the other side stronger. The respect I have for those women is immense because it takes a brave person to flee. That’s why it’s so important to run at the first sign, before you get caught in the trap.
These Fuckboys are by far the worst and under no circumstances should we give them any further chances to change once we have spotted the signs. You must protect yourself and your children and you must safely leave. If you are dealing with this please try to seek help. There are confidential support services available in your local area, google them or talk to a friend or relative if you can’t seek professional support. You have nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about and you are not to blame for any of it.