It Goes Down In The DMs



I received this message in my DMs today but I didn’t have a chance to accept the message before the girl deleted it and blocked me. The message surprised me so I took a screenshot to share with my friend. I wanted to respond to that message so badly but she didn’t give me the chance. So here is what I would have said………


Thank you for your message, firstly I’m curious to know if you’ve read any of my captions or my blogs because if you have then you’ll know that I’m all about women making choices for themselves and not being judged for it if it’s not hurting anybody. I am well aware that love is about more than sex and I’m not sure which part of my blog made you think that I was confusing the two.

Sex is a big thing, I believe that you exchange energy with everyone you sleep with and that you should avoid exchanging energy with people who you do not know well or like a lot because it can be a head fuck, and so I agree that if you are looking for a relationship it’s a good idea to wait a little while before getting intimate. But I do not agree that women are to blame for Fuckboy behaviour because we’re too ‘easy’. This is an extremely warped view.

It is easy to point the finger at actual fucked up Fuckboys, because that is exactly where the finger should be pointed. How can you excuse a man for being cruel to a woman who he has been intimate with when she has done nothing to him? Why are you even trying to blame women for fuckboy behaviour? How am I to blame for being fucked over by choosing to sleep with a man? If you were my mate and I told you that I’d just found out that my boyfriend had been cheating are you going to turn around and say ‘Your fault babe, you shouldn’t have fucked him so quick’?

I would highly recommend you taking some time out to understand a bit more about Feminism. Feminism exists because of the fact we live in a patriarchal society where Men seek to control female sexuality. Women are the givers of life, humanity starts from our vaginas and so because men need to control the world they seek to control our vaginas too. They label women sluts and hoes for doing things that pale in comparison to what men get up to. I don’t even really know what a hoe is, in my eyes I guess it is someone who sets out to hurt a man through sex, to me a hoe is the female equivalent of a fuckboy. Someone who fucks a man purely because he’s got money, or to destroy his relationship, or whatever, any situation where the sexual interaction ends with him getting hurt because she has done something bad. A Hoe is a female Fuckboy. That is my view.

I do not believe that a woman who decides to sleep with a man because she likes him, fancies him and because her vagina is throbbing like mad is easy or in any way a hoe. Grown women should be allowed to make their own decisions about their own vaginas and if we let a man in then it’s usually because we trust him, if he turns into a fuckboy after that we are not to blame, the responsibility is fully his. When I kissed that guy in my ‘Bad Dates Make Good Stories’ blog and he had a covert wanking session next to me and spunked in my fucking eye, is that my fault for kissing him? He literally could not help himself from turning into a sex offender because I let him kiss me? If you think that’s the case then I’m not sure that I can help you.

Like I said, I agree that it can be better to wait to give yourself to a man and to ensure that he wants you for your mind before your body, but I also know that my soul mate is not going to be the kind of man who sleeps with a woman and then judges her for it. If a man judges a woman for sleeping with HIM then he must really fucking hate himself.

Your view makes me sad because I feel like these ‘boyz’ have really got into your head. I’m worried that you’ve been in relationships with men who have convinced you that it’s your fault everytime they’ve messed up. They’ve made you believe that you are the problem and so they’ve got away with whatever it is they’ve done.

I have never tried looking in the mirror and telling myself ‘Listen girl, you better not open your legs no more’ maybe this is where I’ve been going wrong. But if I’m honest I quite like opening my legs, when I like someone I want to have sex with them, and if I like them a lot then I want to have sex with them a lot and I do that on my terms because I want to and I do not expect the people who I choose to do it with to take that as a green light to fuck me over. Quite the opposite in fact. I expect them to take it as a green light to treat me with great respect.

My sex life started 21 years ago, the stories that you read, and the lessons that I share, are lessons that I have learnt by making good and bad decisions over a long period of time. I’ve beaten myself up in the past for making bad decisions but I’ve stopped doing that now because it serves no purpose. Sometimes I repeat the same mistakes over and over again but once I’ve finally learnt my lesson I don’t hate myself or live in constant regret. I reflect on it and I learn and with that comes growth. I’m not a scared vulnerable teenager anymore getting into scary sexual situations with dangerous men and I’m not a silly young woman fucking men because I think it will make them like me, I’m a grown woman doing what the fuck I want with my own body and that is absolutely OK.

I think self-reflection is extremely important and I definitely think that we should all look at the part that we play in each relationship that we have, especially the ones that go wrong. But I do not believe that we should sit there slut shaming and blaming ourselves, particularly if it was him that did the fucking over. I am more than happy for these ‘Boyz’ to move on to other females. I’m not actually out here dating ‘Boyz’. I’m dating grown men and I’m not sleeping with them until I’m really into them. If the next man I meet turns out to be a dickhead then it’s because he is a dickhead, that’s not my fault.

Anyway, I apologise for the long reply but I really felt that I needed to spell it out loud and clear. I respect your right to have an opinion but in this case I wholeheartedly disagree and your opinion makes me sad. It doesn’t offend me. I can see that you are trying to have a dig at me while at the same time trying to give me advice, but because I am not ‘easy’ and because I do not believe that women who have sex are ‘easy’ your dig does not hurt me personally. I just hate the fact that you’re a woman and you feel this way. Maybe you are one of the lucky ones and you’ve never encountered a Fuckboy, but even if that’s the case, you should be out here standing by the side of your sisters, many of whom have encountered Fuckboys. When women support other women incredible things happen, we’re stronger together.


15 thoughts on “It Goes Down In The DMs

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  1. Yes girl 💪🏽 First of all women have same physical need of sex as men so it’s no shame in that, secondly I know people who slept on first date and are married now, hate people who try to come at you from their high horse

  2. What i love
    (a couple of months ago… )

    Was sleeping with a guy who was totally ‘in to me’ … falling in lust and practically married within 12 days (obviously not actually married, his vows of lust were near enough close to the words ‘I do’)
    On the 12th day/night, was The last time we made passionate love – on a blister that i happened to successfully grow that night in a brand new pair of shoes, that i bought..FOR THAT NIGHT….

    To be blamed, by him… (the next day) and i quote….

    ‘Last night was a mistake, you made me come back with you and i didnt want to, i shouldnt have fucked you again, bye!’

    Yes, i was dumped! Via text, blaming me for his actions, and clearly accusing me of holding a gun to his head whilst he groaned ‘You make the best love to me baby’

    If that isnt a clear example of fuckboy syndrome… its definitely some sort of syndrome im unaware of.

    Highly laughable now. While i wish to use the magical C word, i embrace his rejecting lust, the wisdom i took from it, and basically one less orgasm to worry about.. and by that – i didnt get one. 😂😂😂

    Women do need to stand by eachother; realise most of us are quite similiar especially when it relates to guys who know how to feed us a line or 2, verbally or narcotic. And high five our efforts! X

  3. Hey, I agree with you that women should have sex whenever they want. And if a guy is a jerk, so be it, that’s not a reflection on you. That said, the DM had a minor grain of truth. If you’re looking for a relationship, maybe wait to see what he really wants from you.

    I have a lot of guy friends and they all have said in one form or another : ” if I have sex right away it’s like reaching the top of the mountain too early, I have no reason to paw my way up and “do the work” of getting to know someone.

    Obviously this is not every man but societal standards affect a lot of oeople, knowingly or not.

    If you want to fuck someone you like, do it, but don’t go in blindly and accept it might just be nothing but sex.

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